After Death, I Become
by SpikeBuffyTryst
Summary: Takes place during Season 6, immediately during/after “Bargaining II” when Spike first sees Buffy. Some of the stuff is from the episode. Some of the things that happened in the season will come into play throughout the fiction. This is just a simp


Disclaimer: Surely, you don't think that such talent came from my hand? You're right it didn't. All of the BtVS characters belong to the ever fabulous, but evil Joss Whedon, ME, Fox, et al.  
  
Song Disclaimer: I borrowed the chorus of "This Woman's Work" from Kate Bush. It's an awesome song!  
  
Title: After Death, I Become  
  
Pairings: Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tara, and Xander/Anya  
  
Summary: Takes place during Season 6, immediately during/after "Bargaining II" when Spike first sees Buffy. Some of the stuff is from the episode. Some of the things that happened in the season will come into play throughout the fiction.  
  
Rating: R, overall for FF.net; NC-17, overall on my site. However, see each individual chapter for any specific ratings.  
  
Author's Notes: Anything in either italics and/or asterisks denotes internal thoughts.  
  
Feedback: Yes, please read and review. Now on with the story.  
  
I know you have a little life in you yet.  
I know you have a lot of strength left.  
I know you have a little life in you yet.  
I know you have a lot of strength left.  
  
"This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush  
  
Chapter 1: After Death (R for language, violence, and alcohol)  
  
Buffy walked slowly down the stairs behind her younger sister. She listened as Dawn's and Spike's voices flooded her ears and screamed inside her head. Buffy's eyes were fixated at the back of Dawn's head so the room would not spin and make her dizzy. Buffy was shaken from her trance-like state when she heard her sister's voice call her name.  
  
"Buffy, it's really, Buffy!" she smiled lovingly up at her sister as she talked to the vampire below her.  
  
Buffy shifted her gaze to spike. The expression on his face held bewilderment, surprise, and a mix of other emotions. Buffy could feel Spike's eyes looking deep into her own. She could feel him penetrating her very being as if he were trying to see into her soul. She suddenly became aware that her shirt was still unbuttoned and exposing her chest. She quickly brought her hands up and started buttoning it.  
  
Spike stared at the figure before him, never taking his eyes away from her. His blue eyes taking in everything about her, memorizing it forever in his mind. When she looked up at him, he knew it had to be her, his Slayer, his Buffy. The anger melted away when she looked into his eyes, only to be replaced once again when he saw her bloodied hands. Spike clenched his jaw and counted to ten before speaking. He let the anger slide away and replaced it with concern.  
  
"Buffy.you're hurt," he said softly.  
  
"I didn't do that to her!" Dawn burst out. "I found her that way. I don't know how she did it." Dawn tried to explain to Spike.  
  
Spike never took his blue eyes from Buffy's hazel ones. He stepped onto the stairs and slowly walked up to meet her. He took her small, bloodied hands away from her white shirt, and held them gently in his own. He forced his anger down once again.  
  
"I know how she did it," he said returning his soulful gaze up to her face. "You clawed yourself out of your grave, didn't you, Luv?"  
  
Buffy looked at Dawn and then back at Spike. She saw an understanding of what she had to do in his eyes. She nodded her head and quietly replied, "Yes."  
  
"Dawn, go and fetch the first aid kit and some towels." Spike never stopped looking into her confused and hurt hazel eyes as he spoke. "C'mon, Buffy and I'll help you," he said lovingly.  
  
Buffy let him lead her over to the couch. He sat across from her on the coffee table, his cool hands still wrapped around her warm ones. He leaned closer and studied her face. He couldn't stand to see the woman he loved in pain and Spike knew that she would be that way for quite some time. His thumbs gently caressed the small part of her hands that were not sore and bloody.  
  
"Here, Spike," Dawn, said handing him the first aid kit and towels.  
  
Dawn stood back and watch silently as Spike gently took care of Buffy. She hadn't seen him this quiet since Buffy had died. Over the summer, he started opening back up, especially when they were alone. *She's so fragile!* Dawn thought.  
  
Spike gently laid Buffy's hands in her lap and took the supplies from Dawn. He poured some peroxide onto a corner of a towel. *Oh God, Buffy, I hope you know I don't mean to hurt you.* He looked at her hands and then back down at the peroxide soaked corner of the towel. A sigh escaped his lips as he gently placed it upon her hands.  
  
Buffy saw the apprehension and hesitation in his body movements. The moment the towel came in contact with the cuts, she wanted to scream out, but felt no voice within herself. At that very moment she looked into Spike's eyes and saw how it was hurting him to do this to her, even though he was only trying to help. She saw acceptance and love when she stared longer.  
  
The hurt diminished some when he saw that she wasn't flinching or crying out, however, it also caused worry and concern to creep their way in. The yellow flecks in his deep blue eyes shone brightly when the front door opened and her friends entered. Spike took his eyes from hers only to check on how he was doing cleaning up the cuts. As if on autopilot, he gently cleansed away all the dirt, blood, rocks and infection. He took the Neosporin and applied it with a cotton swab, then wrapped her hands in gauze, taping it down.  
  
Spike held her small hands in his and gently caressed them, while staring into her eyes. He stared into them for so long that he almost forgot her idiot friends were even there. Spike gently brought his lips to her hands and kissed them. His eyes smiling as he did so. He placed her hands back into her lap and stood up, facing the rest of them. The love and gentleness he used with Buffy was now gone from his features and replaced with hate and anger. Spike fixed his gaze on the redheaded witch.  
  
"Who gave you the bloody right to do that to her?" he growled, pushing his way passed them. He turned back, "Red, outside. NOW!" The demon within wanted to rip her magic-filled head off her shoulders. He walked outside. "RED!"  
  
Willow looked at Tara before walking out into the night. "Spike?" she called when she didn't see him.  
  
"Bloody hell! Stupid gits!" he bitched to himself.  
  
Willow walked off the porch and over to Spike who was standing by the tree smoking. "What do you want, Spike?"  
  
Spike turned his body so he could look at the witch. "What do I bloody want? Don't be stupid, Red! How the bloody hell could you do that to her? Do you know what could've happened trying some sodding spell like that? Do you know what could've happened to." he paused, anger getting the better of him. "To Dawn if she had come back wrong?"  
  
"Dawn?" Willow asked confused.  
  
"Yes, Dawn. The Bit's the one who found her. You should've never done that. That kind of magic is dark.darker than you're ready for!"  
  
"Spike, I knew what I was doing! It worked, didn't it? You're just mad because we didn't' tell you!"  
  
"You don't know what you're dealing with little girl! If you had told me, I would've stopped you all. She could've come back as something else and then bloody what would you have done? None of you have what it would've taken to." Spike couldn't bring himself to say what he knew would've had to have been done if anything besides Buffy had been brought back.  
  
"Spike, I know you're mad and I'm sorry, but I knew what I was doing. I couldn't leave her in some Hell dimension to be tortured. I just couldn't! She's back so it doesn't matter now." Willow turned to go but was stopped by Spike's grasp.  
  
Spike grabbed the witch's shoulder, pulling her back to face him. "You stupid, arrogant little bitch! How can you be so bloody dumb? Everything has a price! EVERYTHING!" Spike growled, his eyes becoming darker as his anger took over. "Every act has a consequence and you bloody well better believe there's going to be one for this!"  
  
Spike turned and stormed down the grass onto the sidewalk. Willow looked at him, her own anger boiling inside of her. "Why can't you be happy she's back?" Willow called after him before heading back into the house.  
  
"Fuck off!" Spike muttered. He felt an overwhelming urge to kill something and to drink. He cursed the entire way to the cemetery.  
  
"Where's Spike?" Dawn asked when Willow walked through the front door.  
  
"He left," she replied, locking the door.  
  
"Fang-boy finally get that he's not welcome?"  
  
"Xander, shut up! You're the only one who feels that way about Spike!" Dawn told him.  
  
"He's an evil soulless fiend!"  
  
"He is not! I'm sick of your always ragging on him! He saved your ass PLENTY of times this summer!" Dawn fired, standing close to him.  
  
Tara stepped between them both. "Guys, can you just stop. Xander, Dawnie's right." Dawn smiled at Tara.  
  
"WHAT!?" Xander exclaimed.  
  
Buffy watched the argument unfolding in front of her. She stood up and cleared her throat. When they stopped and looked at her, she spoke softly. "I'm. I'm tired. I'm going. To sleep."  
  
Dawn ran over to her sister and hugged her. "Night, Buffy. I love you. I'll come up with you." She looked over at Xander. "I can't take it down here right now anyway."  
  
"Buffy are you okay?" Willow asked.  
  
"Tired, just so tired." Buffy headed for the stairs with Dawn at her side.  
  
"Okay, Buff. Get some sleep," Xander stated a little hurt.  
  
Dawn tucked Buffy in and sat on the edge of the bed. She looked at her sister and smiled. "I'm so glad you're home, Buffy. I've missed you so much. I love you!" Dawn stood and kissed her forehead. "Night," she said as she closed the door behind her.  
  
Buffy lay in bed and stared at the ceiling as the tears poured from her eyes. She could hear the voices downstairs arguing over Dawn and herself. She tried to shut them all out, but to no avail. She wanted nothing to do with them right now and didn't know if she ever would. The moonlight shone through the windows and shadows danced on the walls as Buffy tried to sleep. Twice, Willow had entered her room to check on her, but she pretended to be asleep both times.  
  
Buffy sat up and propped herself up with pillows. She looked at her now bandaged hands, thinking about the person who had bandaged and soothed them. Buffy remembered his soft touches and gentleness with her. She remembered his blue eyes and the acceptance and the understanding they held. She never once saw any expectations to be the person she once was like all her friends had shown, save Tara.  
  
"Spike," she said softly before crawling out of bed.  
  
***  
  
Spike stormed into Willy's and ordered two bottles of whiskey. Spike fumed as he waited for the beady-eyed human to come back. Spike felt like he was on fire the with way his anger was surging through his body. Every muscle burned and itched to be put to work. All he needed was one excuse and that would be all it took.  
  
A female Gnarnack demon walked up to the bar and sat down beside him. She glanced towards the seething vampire and smiled. "Hey," she said, her jade eyes glowing with interest.  
  
Spike paid her no attention and continued to stare at the wall. He didn't feel like chatting it up with some bird. Especially one who could put vampires into a trance and then eat them. Spike heard the female attempting to make a conversation with him. Her high-pitched voice was starting to really grate his nerves. After about ten minutes of her non- stop chattering, Spike had enough.  
  
"Are you completely daft or just plain sodding stupid! Give a guy a break already and go bother some other bloke!" Spike yelled growling.  
  
"You'll regret that!" she glared.  
  
"What are you going to do, eat me? If you haven't heard about me, I like to kill demons, so trot along."  
  
The female stormed off in the opposite direction of the bar and whispered into her mate's ear. The male flipped the table over and roared. Spike turned and saw the tall, multicolored demon stomp in his direction. A smirk spread across his face as he turned around.  
  
"You will pay, Vampire, for insulting my wife!" he yelled.  
  
*I could use a good spot of violence 'bout now!* Spike growled to himself.  
  
"Sod off, Mate." Spike stood up and stared at the clown. "C'mon give it your best!"  
  
Spike walked out of Willy's with his two bottles of whiskey and small smile on his face. It didn't take long for him to trash the bar with the Gnarnack demon. Willy wasn't too happy with Spike, but knew better than to say anything. Just because Spike couldn't hurt Willy, didn't mean that he couldn't hurt him in other ways.  
  
Spike opened one of the bottles and let the dark liquid slid down his throat as he thought about what happened that night. Spike made his way into his crypt and sulked down into his armchair.  
  
Spike downed the last bottle of whiskey and threw it at the wall. "Sodding wankers!" he snarled as the bottle shattered.  
  
Spike paced the crypt floor, downing more alcohol. His poison of choice at the moment was the scotch he found behind the sarcophagus. Again, Spike threw the bottle at the crypt wall. He growled when he realized that bottle was not empty. "Bloody bastard!"  
  
He punched the coffin and snarled in pain, but he didn't stop. He ignored the blood that spilled from his knuckles as he took his frustrations out on the coffin, imagining it was the boy's face.  
  
"Cowards, all the bloody lot of you!" Tears streamed from his eyes, as he continued his assault. "Clawed out of her own grave! All alone, bloody hell! Stupid.stupid." His sobs came faster, rocking this body as he fell to his knees, burying his face in his bloodied hands. "How could they do that to you?" With salty tears stinging he open cuts on this hands, he still continued to cry. 


End file.
